But things have also improved in the last few months. I think Carolyn Hax would ask if I’m sacrificing too much to keep the peace and generally I would say yes. We tried counseling and the therapist was a bad match. For the record, he knows I’m bi but we are not in an open relationship. Just yesterday we fought about this and I told him if nothing changes, we need to break up when I get a job after grad school next year. On problems with my boyfriend, a quick summary: lots of walking on eggshells on both sides. But I’m not, and I don’t foresee being in a gay-friendlier city until I move away for a new job - probably with my boyfriend. If I were in an urban area, I might be able to try out a chaste date or two to see if flirting with real women is something I’m into. I’m also afraid to break up with my boyfriend of four years, who shares an apartment with me, only to change my mind (although I’ve drafted a totally separate letter to you before about whether I should keep trying to save the relationship…). It really sucked to think I was gay for years only to have to admit I was attracted to men after all. However, I’m still afraid my attraction isn’t real. It’s actually weird how often it happens. But I’ve had a lot in the last couple of years. I thought I was straight, though I’ve always had the occasional sexy dream about a woman. In college I have fucked men happily and continue to have satisfying but infrequent sex with my partner. But later I had sexual feelings for boys. I came out to my (male) best friend in middle school and later my mom. One problem is that I’m uncertain about my sexuality. I feel simultaneously guilty about making the account, disappointed that my alternative prospects are so few, and frustrated about my relationship but not sure I should end it. I made an online dating account today to seek out other queer women in my area. The problem is I’m not sure and I’m interested in finding out, but I’m in a committed yet rocky relationship with a man in the gay-unfriendly Midwest.
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